So I splurged. If anyone knows me, they know I’m cheap. Cheapness just flows from me…from the way that I wear my pink $5 shoes I have owned for 5 years or the way my clothes are usually from second hand stores. It’s in the way I talk, the way I spend money, even in my hair cut and style. There are good things and bad things about being cheap. I used to be really bad and not buy anything and not want to buy anything because of the intense feelings of guilt that I felt each time. Even eating fast food would cause me to cringe and think of all the food I had to choose from in my fridge at home. One bad thing about being cheap is that I keep pants that are thin and old until, yep, you guessed, they split, right up the backside. I always have the mentality that I can still fit in them and it hasn’t happened yet so why throw them away? But eventually it happens…and I get embarrassed and have to hide it really well. One good thing about being cheap is that I always have money, enough to pay bills and enough to get something if I really want to. Believe it, or not but I’m actually way better with my cheapness than I used to be.
Of course all of our behaviors and actions come from somewhere. Our lives and behaviors are shaped from our influences and experiences. I grew up in a lower class income bracket as a child. My parents worked their hardest to give me and my two sisters the necessities. We always had a roof over our heads, whether it had to be my dad’s office for a brief time, and we always had food. Of course we did not have name brand clothes or the nice expensive things that other kids had. Being the youngest, I would get my sister’s old things. We did not eat out often or get brand new fancy things. Our parents instilled the value of a garage sale in us, but the attitude of the house was always “we don’t have enough money for that.” At an early age I internalized this attitude and was a little extreme. I remember being fairly young, probably 6 or 7 and in to Barbies. My grandparents wanted to buy me a new Barbie doll at a toy store and I just felt an intense amount of guilt. I literally was sad and sulking and crying because I did not think they had enough money to buy that and I was fearful they were wasting money on me. This happened many times in my young life where I would worry about my parents and grandparents financial situation, especially when they wanted to get me something. I learned to not ask for things that I could live with out and even things that I needed during the year because for Christmas I felt like I could ask for those things and have a better chance of getting them. Christmas is usually when I got underwear and socks and an outfit and a pair of pajamas. I was ecstatic to get these new things but my mentality is that I can only get new things for Christmas. As an adult, I have struggled with money on a personal basis as well. But it is on the opposite plane that most people struggle with it. My struggle is with spending money, not spending too much but not spending at all. I would have rather had money in the bank and stick to a simplified budget than get anything I want or need. Life is full of lessons, though, and out of what I have learned is that life is each of our journey. I do need to be responsible and pay bills but having fun in life makes living worth it and it takes money to have fun (most often, not always). So as long as I do not spend more than what I earn and still have money in the bank and pay my bills, I have released myself to spend money on things I want more often. Of course I am not completely cured of cheapness, but I am free to spend how I want to and when the feelings of guilt come in, I can cure those with “It was worth it!”
So I splurged this week. When I do spend money I feel like I have to hide it so people don’t know what I spend my money on, but I am just letting everyone know I am finding a middle ground to my cheapness. I have found a hobby I find fun and interesting, but it can be an expensive hobby. Snowboarding requires a lot of equipment and then you have to buy a lift ticket each time you go. With such a limited season of being able to go, people can’t get enough and have to go as much as physically possible. So it gets expensive quick. Season passes are worth paying for if you go to the same mountain each time, but it is expensive. So I got a season pass to my favorite mountain so I don’t have to feel guilty each time I go snowboarding. And I also splurged on snowboarding boots. They fit way better than any boots I have put on and the technology of the lace up system is first class and they are way cute. But this is what is causing me the most shame. I bought them at a snowboard shop, brand spankin new, and they are expensive. They are replacing the boots I bought last season from DI (Deseret Industries, like a Salvation Army), which aren’t the exact size for me and the laces freeze up and don’t fit my feet snuggly. I’m not an irresponsible consumer. I checked local classifieds often to no avail and even waited a week to actually buy them after the intense desire to want them ensued. I’m told that the most important part of your snowboard setup is the boots, so we will find out this season whether its true or not. Just can’t wait to use these things I splurged on.
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