Torn Apart - 11/23/2009

Torn Apart

Leaving your side at the airport,

Was not such an easy task.

I could not even find the strength to put on a courageous mask.

My eyes spilled over,

My mascara smeared,

It’s as if my world has all but disappeared.

If you could stay,

I know you would.

But it’s your duty to go, I know you should.

It’s America’s freedom you signed up to pay.

A debt that lingers before your time;

Sacrificing everything, but you did not commit the crime.

We appreciate your service,

But my heart is still void,

Because of all the moments shared I once enjoyed.

Memories are here,

Lingering in my mind,

Further away and longer you stay, they get harder to find.

I hold on to the small things,

So hopefully I can remind myself,

Of all the events I have to put on the shelf.

My emotions are on a rollercoaster,

With the foundation stability of love,

That holds me in the realm that maybe one day I can rise above.

When I hold on to the future,

I can see you coming back,

As long as we both stay on to each other’s loving track.

We will be together again,

And our hearts will be filled once more,

Not only are you a hero to our country, but someone I completely adore.

The memories and longings that once caused pain,

is the object of permanent containment,

when all is sewn together in a new level of attainment.

 

Poem 11/3/2009

Right around the time Mike was leaving for Iraq last year, I was inspired to write some poems. I don't have a title for this one. So here is the first one I wrote when he was still here with me:

I press against your chest with my ear

To me a lovely sound of a beating heart to hear,

In the silence of the room,

The comfort of your pounding heart is easy to assume.

Silence fills the dark, lonely room where I try to sleep,

All I feel is your chest, your heart, your love to keep.

I know you are there,

It is a presence that is welcomed and not hard to bear,

Knowing you are here full of care,

My comfort is secured with this riskless dare.

Being more than just a person around,

A remarkable man I have found.

When at the end of the exasperated day,

The stress experienced disappears as we lay

Talking and sharing our lives together

The close proximity is not an indication of the weather,

Only evidence of an emotion shared

Where enjoyment of each other really means we are perfectly paired.

Not to mention my love for you,

is based on more than just a feeling or two.

But on the simple things,

the meaningful moments between loving beings

that indeed saturate the significance of life

to disintegrate all of the meaningless strife.

So here between the wall and you,

Only your continuous breathing and your pounding heart is your sleeping cue;

It’s all I am aware of in the blackness of the night,

Without it, my days - my nights would not be so bright.

My thoughts at first in a flutter,

Then melt away just as hot bread with butter.

All that lingers in the air so still

Is the pure trust and love that only with you I feel.

I press against your chest with my ear

To me a lovely sound of a beating heart to hear,

In the silence of the room,

The comfort of your pounding heart is easy to consume.

I’m not a writer

I’m not a good writer. I have not claimed to be. That is not the reason I decided to start this blog. There are many different reasons to have a blog. For most it is to keep family and friends updated. Others choose to have a theme, such as pets or travel or Christianity topics or counting off things on their bucket list. For this past year as Mike and I have been doing some research on traveling and living full-time on the road, we have ran across many people’s blogs of doing just that. I have also run into nursing blogs, devoted just for nursing topics. There are a variety of reasons to start and have a blog, but normally they are devoted to one subject with many topics devoted to that subject. They write about what they know.

Actually writing the blog has proved a challenge for me. When I was younger I liked to write and I even started a book I thought would be really good. I’m not sure if anything I wrote when I was younger was good or not. My mom would have said anything I wrote was good but she is biased. Mike doesn’t really like to read but he says reading the blog posts are a little too long but he likes them. He says that the way I write is like a story. That’s how I have always wanted to write. I also know I usually fill in too much detail and make it too long. It’s a challenge on the blog because the blog system is not perfect. I’m still working out the details of how to actually do it and I either have too much writing or too many pictures per post for it to all work out okay. But that’s the beauty of embarking on something you have never done before, you get to learn!

I am also not a big picture taker. Frankly, I was going to let Mike continue that venture. Since he has come back from Iraq, his picture taking motivation has dwindled and sometimes we forget to even bring the camera! I could pick this up, but Bays are notorious for messing up pictures. I hate when it takes an hour to take pictures and takes away from the experience of the moment. Personally, I would rather not take pictures, but I enjoy looking at them and remembering later. So my challenge also involves taking pictures, or at least remembering to remind Mike.

The blogs that I read from time to time are people I have never heard of and have mostly never met. I am usually a silent reader and never make comments or let them know that I am there. But I like to read and benefit from interesting posts. People are so interesting and lead so many different lives. It’s fascinating (for me) to feel like I am seeing the world through their eyes. I was inspired to do this blog mostly because Mike and I do and experience some really cool things that most people never get to see. I do not claim to be a writer or an expert in any one subject, but Mike and I are adventurous and like to explore our world. One day we would like to travel and we wanted our families to be able to see what we are doing. Maybe one day I can have silent stalkers reading my blog, just because, as I do to so many others.

Pookie - 2001 to 2010

Pookie was my parent's dog. They got her after I, being the youngest child, had left home and gone to school 2 states away. I was jealous. I called her "My Replacement" for quite awhile. She fulfilled a need and a longing that my parents had and I could no longer fill. For instance I couldn't hug my Mom, but Pookie could snuggle up to and kiss her and make her feel loved (not the same, I know). My sisters and I called her "our younger sister".  She was spoiled, but deserved it. She never saw anyone as a stranger. She would lick and love everyone. She was born without a tail, but had a little nub that wagged even more and longer than any dog I know that had a tail. She traveled to many states and stayed close to my parents wherever they went.She has and always will be my favorite dog. She was greatly loved and will be dearly missed. 2001-2010.

The Week of Firsts

                Even though Mike & I have been together since June of 2009, we have missed a few “firsts” the first time around. This was due to Mike being in Iraq from November ‘09 to May ’10 because of serving our country in the military. This week we have experienced a lot of “firsts” together.

We had our first Thanksgiving together. Even though I had to work for 12 hours, we at least got to see each other for the holiday. A few days before, we were able to have a Thanksgiving meal together on base with Mike’s shop. On Thanksgiving, Mike was able to go to a friend’s house to share Thanksgiving and he was still there by the time I got off of work. So I was able to join him for the evening. It was not the best Thanksgiving ever but it was better than the year before, where we were on opposite sides of the world.

It was our first Black Friday together. While I was working for 12 hours on Thanksgiving, Mike was nice enough to pick up a newspaper with all of the ads for me. When we got home I looked through the ads to see if there was anything worth getting up in a few hours to stand in the freezing cold for. I usually don’t go unless there is something I was already going to buy and there is a good deal on it. So I found a good deal and set out my clothes. My alarm went off 3 hours later and Mike did not even flinch. Apparently he has never gone shopping on a Black Friday…and he was not planning on breaking his tradition. I, on the other hand, had my coldest Black Friday yet. After 3 hours of sleep and 2 ½ hours standing in the freezing cold, I could not feel my toes and I wondered if it was really worth it. My mission was clear. I got in and got out before the end of the line even reached the entrance. Next door didn’t open for another 2 hours and the line had started forming. I got in line, still not able to feel my toes, and thought, “now is THIS next 2 hours really worth it?” I’ve already saved a total of $170 at the first place, so why am I at this next one? In the end I did talk myself out of it. By the time I got home and slipped back in bed, my body was so cold I was shivering.

Later on on Black Friday, we went snowboarding. It was the first time Mike and I have gone snowboarding together. I was very nervous going with Mike, because he is completely amazing at it and I knew I barely remembered how to even stand up! Well, my socks and brand new boots were causing my feet issues all day, but I didn’t complain too much. Mike, of course, was awesome. No worries there, even after missing a season. I just tried to remember the basics and was completely sore pushing through the day. The next day I worked another 12 hour shift, where I am mostly on my feet for 90% of the day…and I was sore, from my neck to my feet. The next day we went back to the slopes. I was still sore, but while we were going down on the snowboard, I couldn’t even feel it. My boots felt better. I wore different socks. And everything just felt better. I kept up with Mike and our friend Cho. I even tried to grind the box & the pipe in the terrain park for the first time. Of course, Mike is amazing and can do all of the rails wonderfully. It was snowing the whole time and created a little more fluffiness for the falls.

We bought and set up our first Christmas tree together. It is not decorated, yet (it came with lights already on it). We found out that I don’t have to work on Christmas or Christmas Eve, so we get to spend Christmas together!

Yesterday, Mike bought a truck. It’s red and big. It is for the sole purpose of our dream and one of the biggest reasons for this blog. We plan on living in a truck camper one day and Mike’s little Ford Ranger that he has is not big enough. So now he has a big truck, a 2003 Chevy Silverado, Diesel. Now I will just try to sell my car…

So that is our week of a lot of firsts. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Never the Same Again

I realized this year that Thanksgiving will never be the same again.  As a tradition in my family we would wake to a roasting turkey filling the house so full of mouthwatering aromas.  We would wake early and watch Mom and Dad preparing all of the yummy goodies.  Someone would be putting the casserole together with rice and broccoli and cheese.  Oh, so much cheese.  The yams cut up and mashed with the marshmallows tightly packed above the orange vegetables.  The stuffing made in a very large pan, not too gooey and never too dry, with plenty of leftovers.  Dad would be tasting everything as he thought it was ready, but mainly to decide on adding more spices.  When he started cutting and eating the turkey, we knew it was almost time to eat.  The gravy would be put together and stirred with meticulous detail to thickness and taste.  My picky sister liked the gravy the best and liked giblet gravy to be made with certain perfection, but to never know what ingredients were actually used in its preparation.  I would sneak a peek at the perfect looking pies that were labored over only the day before by Mom’s traditional recipes.  Pumpkin pie, with whipped cream, of course…pecan pie, preferred by few…and the time-honored peanut butter pie, two for especially Mom and me. 

While Mom and Dad prepare the food to go in the oven in the particular order of how everything will be done at precisely the right time to eat, I watch in amazement.  It seems as if this time coordination is an art perfected to the precise time things will get done by rotating many dishes through the one oven baking them all until all are done and all are not too cold and not too hot.  Everything is just right.

I remember watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving day parade on T.V.  Every year there would be the same floats but different pop stars and popular entertainers there.  I enjoyed all of the performances by the bands and dancers when they stopped in the middle of the street where on the cement is the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade emblem permanently embossed for all to see.  I would see all of the people lined along the parade route, with their big coats and mittens and rosy cheeks and smiles.  Most kids would want to be there to see the parade in person, but even from a young age I knew I had the best seat in the house and I didn’t have to freeze to experience the parade.  When Santa Claus came down the street, I just knew it was almost time to eat.

Then I would start thinking about Christmas and how I had not thought about what I wanted.  So I would dive into the bright colorful ads and try to remember what necessities I needed.  I was always a child that knew parents weren’t made of money, so I tried not to ask for things unless I absolutely needed it. Besides that, if I absolutely needed something, I would ask for it for Christmas. Santa usually only got us a big present and all of the things I really wanted came from Mom and Dad.  All of us girls would go through the ads and color a Christmas list.  Our Christmas lists would take a major part of the time to make look pretty, with extraordinary pictures and colors. We would give them to mom, as she promised to send them to Santa right away.

When we sat down to eat Dad would usually bless the food thanking “The good Lord” for what He had provided. And then we feasted. The food was the best part of the day, in my opinion, as a kid. Any Thanksgiving feasts that I have experienced since have been well below par. We would eat as much as we could and then could always find room for desert before Dad would lay down on the couch to “watch” a football game. My middle sister would normally go to another TV and find a sweet little TV movie we could watch and fall asleep to if so felt. Mom and my older sister would go to sleep.

Just about dinner time everyone would wake up and someone would pull out the leftovers and start heating up their favorite food on their own plate. We would all eat and watch whatever was on TV, either the end of a football game or a Christmas movie that they would start on TV to start the Christmas spirit. Soon we would be ready to go to bed and sleep once again after another fulfilling Thanksgiving day.

What I remember the most is the togetherness I experienced with my family on this holiday and the ease of understanding what it is really all about.

Yellowstone 9/3/10-9/5/10

Paige and Mike in Yellowstone

What to do with a four day weekend? Well back in September we chose to go to Yellowstone. Only a five hour drive from where we live and it being an epic adventure vacation for anyone in the United States because of its popularity, it was an easy decision for both of us. We actually saw everything in two days and drove back on the third. It wasn’t that it was boring or we skipped things either. Basically it’s such a tourist place that you didn’t really have to hike or find things so everything was quick and easy to get through. We even stopped at places we hadn’t planned on going. Every little place was not on our agenda both because we had looked over maps beforehand and as we were driving through. One other problem is that the park is outlined in a big circle drive, so you don’t camp in one spot and go back to that spot because it would be a lot of backtracking. The park is located in Wyoming, Montana, and Idaho.  So it was not the best time to go on Labor day weekend because campsites filled up quickly every day. There are cheaper campsites with the bare minimum and other sites with more luxuries that cost more. One thing is for sure, you can not park and camp outside of a campground anywhere in Yellowstone. They want your money. Haha! But it is the first National Park that opened up in America, in 1872, and they have a lot of really cool natural formations that they are hoping to share with everyone for quite awhile, so you can’t blame them too much.

hot paint pot

hot paint pot

hot stream

We started out early on Friday, the third, and by the time we made it to the entrance of the park on the Wyoming side, many people were there taking pics of the entrance sign, so we decided not to stop.  When we first got into the park, there was a beautiful lake in front of a mountain. The water was so clear you could see right through to the waving seaweed underneath. Stepping in the water was a little colder than I was expecting but it was beautiful nonetheless. Since it was the time of the year that does not rain very much and all of the snow water had barely made it through the hot summer, there was not as much water at all of the attractions. The paint pots pictures on the internet had tons of water gleaming from all of the parts along the trail, but when we were there, most of it was a trickle. It actually made some of the areas look better in my opinion. The big premise of Yellowstone is that it is on a big “hotspot” that makes most all of the water or openings in the ground have hot water coming out of them or bubbling out. There are signs everywhere that the temperature of the water can be up to boiling, so no one should ever touch it. Also, signs of how different formations have changed over time were very interesting to read. For instance Jupiter’s Cycle showed how once the trees & flowers were flourishing until the hot water came down the mountain and all of the flowers & trees died. Now the hot water spring has stopped and been dormant since 1998 so eventually flowers & trees will grow back again. The rock that was the last spot where the water was trickling is white. We also saw a petrified tree that had a sign of a picture of a guy with it in like the 1920’s and it looks exactly like it did then.  There was a waterfall that we had a short walk to and then could see from a distance away. It was actually flowing really well.

Mike



Paige



By the time we finally found a campsite available for Friday night, it was late and we were way tired. We planned on getting up early for the next day to be jam-packed. So that’s what we did. It was probably the coldest that I have ever camped in at night before. But of course, Mike has camped in freezing temps with snow on the ground. Our tent was soaked in the morning from our hot breath against the cold of outside. We had to wipe down our tent before packing up. The ground also had a lot more dew than we expected and it was much harder to make a fire in the morning. Good thing we packed milk and cereal ;). The tent we used on this trip was the one that goes in the back of Mike’s truck since we would be packing up everyday anyways. We got several comments in the campgrounds about how others (even people with RVs) liked it. It definitely has been useful on trips that we aren’t sure how the ground is going to be and it is pretty comfortable with the futon mattress. No pictures of it this trip because every day after we finally found a campsite and set it up it was dark and we left out early in the morning as well.

Jupiter's Cycle sign

 


part of Jupiter's Cycle





Paige at the Mud Volcano area



Being early in the morning that we started out, the smoke from the hot water hitting the cool air was more apparent than ever. So at the mud volcano area, there was lots of smoke off of the areas of hot water and bubbling mud, but it smelled like rotten eggs even worst too. I had seen the Dragon’s Mouth hot spring in pictures online and definitely wanted to check it out. The smoke was too much so we actually visited it again a little later in the day for better pictures. The area was called mud volcano and there were mud geysers everywhere. You could hear them bubbling as you get closer, and then see the spots where the water comes up.

Eating lunch with the Buffalo

All over the areas in Yellowstone there are signs to avoid all wild animals because you never know what they will do. They have pictures of Buffalo goring people and Elk chasing people and Bears ravaging people. So when a herd of at least 50 Buffalo came through our campsite we got a little nervous. I was actually in the bathroom at the time & could hear grunting and rummaging, like it was a big animal. And it was! I looked out the window and there they all were. I snuck past and let Mike know they were coming. Haha! They didn’t even pay attention to us and kept moving through our campsite well into the evening. There were lots of times that Buffalo would be walking down the middle of the road with the cars, seemingly unaware. But we never saw bears…and we saw one elk and several deer. We even ate lunch with a buffalo right behind us.

Dragon's Mouth

Mud Volcano area

Hot pools were everywhere as well, which actually was really pretty and you can see the steam coming from the top of it. We really wished we could touch them, though, to really see how hot they are. But we were good this trip ;).



Mike & Paige at the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone

Yellowstone has what is called The Grand Canyon of Yellowstone. I have never been to the Grand Canyon (yet, anyways), but I have heard its basically a big crater. So it was a big canyon with a river flowing down the middle, and a couple of waterfalls along the way. There were lookout points that you can walk to. And there was even a huge staircase to walk down (and up) to get a closer view of the waterfall. Besides being on the opposite side of the rim of the stair case, we really did not feel like walking up and down that many stairs. We did however walk along the path by the rim. We saw deer in the forest and was able to look at more viewpoints. It was really beautiful. You can even see some “hot spots” on the wall of the canyon. I wonder if the water in the river and waterfall is warm.

Mike at the waterfall in Yellowstone Grand Canyon





Paige

The last place of the day was, of course, Old Faithful. This was the biggest visitor center and by far the most people we had seen on the whole trip. Mike and I decided that a lot of people come in to the park just to see Old Faithful and that’s it. It’s probably true, looking at all the people and the increased learning center. It was really magical seeing the geyser that everyone in the world has heard about but not everyone has seen in person. They had a countdown to when the expected time is for it to “blow” again. The whole premise about Old Faithful is that it is mostly predictable of when it will go again, and that it will go, and they can usually predict how long it will go for. So the hot water builds up pressure under the ground and then squirts out in to an amazingly high geyser, usually for 3-5 minutes. When we saw it, we got the full 5 minute view. There were actual benches at this viewpoint and a lot, a lot of people! Haha! It starts out small and then really gets height and then just goes and goes and goes. Its breathtaking really, to experience something you have only seen pictures of, and heard about as an epic adventure to see in person.









Old Faithful staring up



Old Faithful at its peak height for our time watching it!

At the Old Faithful location there is a walkway to other geysers. They aren’t as faithful or epically popular but they are really cool to see. Not every day do you see water exploding out of the ground as a natural formation and have been there for a long time.

Geyser

Mike & Paige in front of the geyser

We could not find a camping spot in the park for the night so we decided to head out of the park and check a local town. The camping places were not much to choose from and most were full. The only one we found available was KOA. It was my first time camping in a KOA, and lets just say you spend way too much money, no matter what you get. Camping is supposed to be a primitive hobby, not a luxury away from home. We did walk around and saw a lot of campers and RVs, though.





I know I definitely loved Yellowstone and recommend it to everyone to see before you can’t anymore.