Running the Race...with ourselves :)

November 9, 2010

                I like to work out. There I said it. The apartment complex that we live at has a small gym in the main building. Not all the equipment always works but at least its close by and a place inside. When Mike was in Iraq for 6 ½ months, I spent most of my waking hours in this gym. Working out makes me feel like nothing else matters but the intense burning and agony I feel at the exact moment of pushing my body to the maximum intensity it can sustain. I feel more alive than ever, using my body to its fullest capacity in physical activities. Of course its good for everyone to get in some kind of exercise during the week, no matter if its for losing weight or getting buff, or even for your own mental stability. For me, my goal is to feel better and go for my own mental stability. I notice when I don’t workout, I’m more irritable and think more negatively. Whether it is completely medically correct, I know how it affects me. Working out is something we all can do. Whether we like it or not, there is always something for everyone to do. Yoga is harder than I thought, but the latest craze is Zumba. There’s running, and lifting weights, and bike riding, and walking. Mike likes to do things fun that involve using your body instead of actually “working out”, like skateboarding or climbing or hiking. I like to do some of those things as well but you can also find me in the gym as well. Mike is in the gym because the military forces him to, whether he enjoys it or not. He may not go to the gym a lot but he is definitely in shape because of the extra recreational activities he enjoys. He did run more in Iraq than he does here, but it may have been from a lack of other activities to engage in.  Any bit of movement is good for everyone. I didn’t learn that and cherish it until just a couple of years ago. My family happened to be big on the eating part and not so much of the active part, not that we ate healthy. The greatest thing I learned from my family is also our curse because good food attracts the Bays. So running makes me feel like I have an escape. Its not easy and I sweat too much and I feel like I am going to die every time I run, but it makes me feel better about myself. When my head to my toes is covered in sweat and all of my muscles feel suffocated, I can hold my head high walking out of the gym back to my apartment. And today was extra special because it was snowing when I walked home. Even in a tank top and thin pants, it was very much welcomed.  

Confession Time

Novemeber 7, 2010

So I splurged. If anyone knows me, they know I’m cheap. Cheapness just flows from me…from the way that I wear my pink $5 shoes I have owned for 5 years or the way my clothes are usually from second hand stores. It’s in the way I talk, the way I spend money, even in my hair cut and style. There are good things and bad things about being cheap. I used to be really bad and not buy anything and not want to buy anything because of the intense feelings of guilt that I felt each time. Even eating fast food would cause me to cringe and think of all the food I had to choose from in my fridge at home. One bad thing about being cheap is that I keep pants that are thin and old until, yep, you guessed, they split, right up the backside. I always have the mentality that I can still fit in them and it hasn’t happened yet so why throw them away? But eventually it happens…and I get embarrassed and have to hide it really well. One good thing about being cheap is that I always have money, enough to pay bills and enough to get something if I really want to. Believe it, or not but I’m actually way better with my cheapness than I used to be.

Of course all of our behaviors and actions come from somewhere. Our lives and behaviors are shaped from our influences and experiences. I grew up in a lower class income bracket as a child. My parents worked their hardest to give me and my two sisters the necessities. We always had a roof over our heads, whether it had to be my dad’s office for a brief time, and we always had food. Of course we did not have name brand clothes or the nice expensive things that other kids had. Being the youngest, I would get my sister’s old things. We did not eat out often or get brand new fancy things. Our parents instilled the value of a garage sale in us, but the attitude of the house was always “we don’t have enough money for that.” At an early age I internalized this attitude and was a little extreme. I remember being fairly young, probably 6 or 7 and in to Barbies. My grandparents wanted to buy me a new Barbie doll at a toy store and I just felt an intense amount of guilt. I literally was sad and sulking and crying because I did not think they had enough money to buy that and I was fearful they were wasting money on me. This happened many times in my young life where I would worry about my parents and grandparents financial situation, especially when they wanted to get me something. I learned to not ask for things that I could live with out and even things that I needed during the year because for Christmas I felt like I could ask for those things and have a better chance of getting them. Christmas is usually when I got underwear and socks and an outfit and a pair of pajamas. I was ecstatic to get these new things but my mentality is that I can only get new things for Christmas. As an adult, I have struggled with money on a personal basis as well. But it is on the opposite plane that most people struggle with it. My struggle is with spending money, not spending too much but not spending at all. I would have rather had money in t

he bank and stick to a simplified budget than get anything I want or need. Life is full of lessons, though, and out of what I have learned is that life is each of our journey. I do need to be responsible and pay bills but having fun in life makes living worth it and it takes money to have fun (most often, not always). So as long as I do not spend more than what I earn and still have money in the bank and pay my bills, I have released myself to spend money on things I want more often. Of course I am not completely cured of cheapness, but I am free to spend how I want to and when the feelings of guilt come in, I can cure those with “It was worth it!”

So I splurged this week. When I do spend money I feel like I have to hide it so people don’t know what I spend my money on, but I am just letting everyone know I am finding a middle ground to my cheapness. I have found a hobby I find fun and interesting, but it can be an expensive hobby. Snowboarding requires a lot of equipment and then you have to buy a lift ticket each time you go. With such a limited season of being able to go, people can’t get enough and have to go as much as physically possible. So it gets expensive quick. Season passes are worth paying for if you go to the same mountain each time, but it is expensive. So I got a season pass to my favorite mountain so I don’t have to feel guilty each time I go snowboarding. And I also splurged on snowboarding boots. They fit way better than any boots I have put on and the technology of the lace up system is first class and they are way cute. But this is what is causing me the most shame. I bought them at a snowboard shop, brand spankin new, and they are expensive. They are replacing the boots I bought last season from DI (Deseret Industries, like a Salvation Army), which aren’t the exact size for me and the laces freeze up and don’t fit my feet snuggly. I’m not an irresponsible consumer. I checked local classifieds often to no avail and even waited a week to actually buy them after the intense desire to want them ensued.  I’m told that the most important part of your snowboard setup is the boots, so we will find out this season whether its true or not. Just can’t wait to use these things I splurged on.

How Many Times Can You Handle Rejection?

October 28, 2010

So once again today I eagerly check my email as I see the 1 indicator pop up next to my “mail” application on my iphone. Only to face my moment of disappointment with a rejection email from yet another company turning my lack of work experience down. From June to now, I have applied for more jobs than you probably have in your entire life. And each job inquiry has met its match against a letter that holds the phrases: “you have not been selected” or “your experience does not meet our qualifications”.  The healthcare is deemed a position that will always have jobs in any economy or that there is a shortage. Any one should hire you! Which is true, to an extent. The extent stops at a job that you actually want as a new graduate.

                Having graduated in March as an RN (registered nurse) in Utah is decidingly a hard position to hold. There is a shortage in certain places for nurses, but in Utah, they met the challenge of not having enough nurses with overproducing nurses. There are at least 7 nursing schools I can think of off the top of my head within one and half hour drive, just in my neck of the woods. This is not counting the nurses that have stayed at home to raise their kids for a few years and because of the economy, they are getting back into the field or the countless number of nurses that should be retiring but in the economy cannot. Thus they are taking the good jobs from the graduate nurses because they have what we do not: experience. Hospital jobs with great benefits, smaller patient to nurse ratio, better experience base, are thus holding on to seasoned employees and out of the 90 applicants for one position, are hiring the one with more experience.

                I’m sure you have had rejections in your life. Everyone has. Even when you were younger and liked someone that didn’t like you back. Or even a college denied you entry or when you were buying a house and got rejected for a loan. Life is full of disappointments. We can’t get away from them. People aren’t perfect. Situations aren’t perfect. And life is hard, especially when you have dreams. To have experience in nursing means to have been at a hospital in any department for at least a year. Now to actually get into that hospital in the first place is where the trouble comes in. Some job descriptions just say 1 year of experience, so technically I should be more eligible for those jobs after working for a full year, even at a nursing home.

                When I applied and got the job at the current nursing home I work at, I informed the head guy that I am and will still be trying to get into a hospital because for my dreams to take place, I need to be in a hospital. Though he laughed and said I would be taking his job at some point, I thought to myself, “he doesn’t know my ambition and ability to handle rejections.” Of course when I don’t have a job and need money rejection hurts way more, but in my case I do have a job that pays well. I am just looking for more. Not that the “grass is greener on the other side” because I know its not. It will be much harder actually having to use the skills taught in school that I rarely ever use at my current “babysitting” job. Being at a hospital will open a door though. That’s all I am looking forward to.

                And that’s what rejection usually is, shutting the door on a possibility or different path in your life. Most people get rejected and don’t like that feeling of someone not liking you and the emptiness of wondering what is wrong. Some people stay in their comfort zones and try to never move forward to new opportunities. They don’t avoid all rejection just the ones they can control. Even though I have been rejected numerous times…to give you a perspective: 4 times in the past 2 days…I will continue to apply for these jobs and go towards my goal because I’m determined and ambitious. I know I will have many more rejections, but it will all be worth it when I finally at least get to round two: an interview. At least then I will know the rejection is because of me, not what’s on paper.

Adam's Canyon Fall Hike

October 17, 2010



waterfall from the top cliff 7/20/2009

Previously we have hiked on this trail. Last summer to be more targetable. The hike to Adam’s Canyon is off of HWY 89 in the Layton area in Utah. From the confusingly sandy trailhead to the top of the waterfall at the end, there are many trees to cover your way. Today, being an Autumn day, the leaves are full of colors – red and orange and yellow and green. They line the trail which is full of ups and downs and elevation changes and rocks to climb over and rushing water to follow. The trail has to be a moderate hike or at any rate I must be out-of-shape presently. No matter how much you workout, hikes are much more of an adventure than a mere workout. Not only are your legs and calves aching from the uneven terrain, but your lungs scream at each elevation change. No amount of drinking water or resting will recooperate your muscles and breathing until after the hike is over and you are driving home, feeling the agony of accomplishment. The waterfall was actually flowing decently for this time of year. The beauty of a waterfall always makes a hike feel worth it. Even though there was a waterfall at the top, the leaves of many colors were more of a reward on this hike. From the valley we look up and see the mountains and the beautiful colors but now being close up to the autumn existence is unreal. There are many hikes around Utah that we have conquered, with far better waterfalls, but this one has been the most enjoyable with the season we were able to enjoy this hike. If only one of us had remembered the camera…





Paige on top of the cliff 7/20/2009



Mike at the top 7/20/2009







 

The Journey

                Every single person has a story to tell. Lives are shaped and influenced from our experiences. No two people have the same exact history or path in life. Some people grow up in extreme circumstances and situations and others have little things here and there to overcome. We all identify with some stories more than others, but true life stories seem to spark a little familiarity and sympathy in us all. As people, we can’t change where we grew up or who our parents are but we can learn from those experiences and change who we are and where our paths lead us into being people we are proud of or ashamed of. This is the beginning of the account of our journey. It doesn’t matter where you end up but we are all traveling on this adventure known as life with experiences along the way that shape our journey.



7/20/2009 Somewhat beginning of our journey on a hike