Birthday Wish

Getting older doesn’t feel any different, at least to me. I don’t know how other people feel about their birthdays and getting a year older, but I feel like I am still 18 or 16 or anything that is “younger”. Each birthday or even every time someone asks me how old I am it makes me step back and say “Really? I’m that old? Why do I feel like I’m still 17?” I was always on the young end of the crowd in any situation or job and always the youngest of siblings, but now I’m with the older age group. Before I graduated college, everyone looked at me and automatically assumed I was 16 or 18. Now that I have a degree I am automatically 22 or 23 by people’s standards. But really I’m even older than that.

I don’t feel any different. When I think about my job and how much responsibility I have, I think to myself, “I’m too young for this position! How can they think I can do this?” And then I remember that I am 25, not the 18 that I feel I am. Most people have kids when they are younger than me and I think that is the biggest responsibility anyone could ever have. I am thankful for my life and all that I have accomplished and learned so far in life but really I don’t feel beyond a teenager. It feels like I should still be at home and have Christmas with my sisters and parents, not their husbands and kids. I will never experience those moments ever again with just my sisters and parents though.

I am an adult. I’m a grownup. Nothing makes me think of my age more than when Mike discusses his age. He just turned 22…and I am turning 26 today. At first it bothered me because he wasn’t even 21 when we started dating. Now its not a factor because he doesn’t let it be. I have learned many things over my years, but I have not experienced everything I have wanted to or embraced the opportunities that have presented to me. I can’t get those experiences back but I can seize the opportunities from here on out.

When does your age catch up to you? When will my time of youth and bliss be over with? I think that is what scares me more than another number. I have only just begun to experience the full extent of my physical body and push it to extremes in running, working out, climbing, snowboarding, hiking, etc…when will I not be able to do those things anymore?

I am in the best physical condition of my life right now, better than I have ever been. I am told you are only as old as you feel. But when do you start to feel it? I have never heard my grandparents complain of age or anything physical. They always say they are young because they don’t feel old. I went with a hiking group when Mike was in Iraq and there was a 76-year-old that hiked with us. He was in the back of the line but he made it to the top when we were all there. Snowboarding is free for those over 80 and heavily discounted for those 60 and up. I just think to myself, I hope I can make it and still be that active. And I know being 26 is not old but I really feel like its going to catch up to me eventually.

Another thing about it being my birthday: I have never liked my birthday. I hate being the center of attention. My birthday always seems like more of an inconvenience than anything, especially being right in the middle of the holidays. Mike seems to like celebrating my birthday. It was really special last year getting a call from him in Iraq being very excited to wish me a happy birthday.  I do appreciate all acknowledgement and communication on this day, but I just wish I didn’t have to be the object of celebration. 

08-09 Winter Video

Snowboarding 12/8/10

Mike & Paige snowboarding

We have all grown up hearing “bundle up” and “stay out of the cold”, no matter if that cold is 50 degrees or minus 50 degrees. A mother or authority figure has told you at least once in your life those exact words.



(from left to right) Paige's board; Mike's current board; Mike's old board



So that is why I always feel like a rebel to authority when I go snowboarding. You are out in the cold for hours at a time in the freezing rigid cold, sometimes snowing or the wind blowing. Every single part of your skin is not always covered and you shiver at times because of the cold or toes and fingers go numb from the frigid temperature. It’s not normal to want to be in the cold and play in the snow as an adult…or is it?



Most people would think of those cold factors and not want to go. Even some who live in the Utah’s “Greatest Snow on Earth” refrain from embracing the funner things in life because of cold or the rare instances of getting seriously hurt. The truth is, more times am I hot than cold when I go, and contrary to popular belief, most don’t wear layer upon layer of clothes to go snowboarding. One day this week I wore a sports bra under my coat because it was so hot and I did not have a hat on my head. At least I looked more like a girl because people could see my hair.

We have gone snowboarding 3-4 times this week already. Yesterday, we experienced the most snow I have ever been in in my life. It was fresh powder, which was at least 6 inches or more deep. It makes snowboarding more difficult but more fun to fall in. I did great in the steep powder, but the flatter stuff made me take a face first dive a few times. For some reason in the soft fluffy stuff, my left arm was the brunt of the force of these falling times.

Paige & Sam

I just started snowboarding in 2010, last season. I had wanted to for awhile but had no one to go with. Finishing up school and Mike being in Iraq freed up some time to pursue this interest. My friend, Sam, taught me and we went at least once a week until the season closed, from the time I started at the end of January. Snowboarding is hard to learn, especially I have found for girls, and it is a slowly progressive sport. Of course you fall a lot at the beginning, but you still fall after, too. Usually you can catch yourself many more times than you fall as you get better. I, personally, almost fall at least 5 times before I fall once. Mike had gone a few times, but really got into it a lot more with his friend, Brown, in the 2008-2009 season. He even made a video of all the tricks he would do.

Mike and Brown

Mike

This season, even though it just started, I remembered the stuff I learned last season. With Mike’s inspiration, I have been able to do little jumps and even completed going across the box. He does the rails and bigger jumps and little things on the run down that are way more impressive. I have definitely improved this season because I can do the pole lift. Last season every time I tried I was unable to complete the pole lift where you hold on to a pole and it pulls you to the top of the mountain. I would have to hike up to the top of the mountain last year. This year we tried it. I was nervous. I watched the others ahead of me. I told the lift operator that I had never completed this successfully. I got on, stumbled, but was able to hold on. Nothing like last season when I would be violently thrown around and hit my head and hike up the rest of the way. Maybe successfully being able to get wakeboarding this summer helped, because that’s what it feels like. I’m pretty sure I am able to navigate a snowboard better this year.

Mike

Instantly, I fell in love with snowboarding and I crave to go frequently. I am definitely not the best or think that I am great, but I really enjoy going. Mike has been a boarder for a long time, so anything with a board, he dominates with no problem. He did admit that he definitely likes skate boarding the best, but he is amazing on the snowboard. Its much easier going and doing things that you both find fun together.

Torn Apart - 11/23/2009

Torn Apart

Leaving your side at the airport,

Was not such an easy task.

I could not even find the strength to put on a courageous mask.

My eyes spilled over,

My mascara smeared,

It’s as if my world has all but disappeared.

If you could stay,

I know you would.

But it’s your duty to go, I know you should.

It’s America’s freedom you signed up to pay.

A debt that lingers before your time;

Sacrificing everything, but you did not commit the crime.

We appreciate your service,

But my heart is still void,

Because of all the moments shared I once enjoyed.

Memories are here,

Lingering in my mind,

Further away and longer you stay, they get harder to find.

I hold on to the small things,

So hopefully I can remind myself,

Of all the events I have to put on the shelf.

My emotions are on a rollercoaster,

With the foundation stability of love,

That holds me in the realm that maybe one day I can rise above.

When I hold on to the future,

I can see you coming back,

As long as we both stay on to each other’s loving track.

We will be together again,

And our hearts will be filled once more,

Not only are you a hero to our country, but someone I completely adore.

The memories and longings that once caused pain,

is the object of permanent containment,

when all is sewn together in a new level of attainment.

 

Poem 11/3/2009

Right around the time Mike was leaving for Iraq last year, I was inspired to write some poems. I don't have a title for this one. So here is the first one I wrote when he was still here with me:

I press against your chest with my ear

To me a lovely sound of a beating heart to hear,

In the silence of the room,

The comfort of your pounding heart is easy to assume.

Silence fills the dark, lonely room where I try to sleep,

All I feel is your chest, your heart, your love to keep.

I know you are there,

It is a presence that is welcomed and not hard to bear,

Knowing you are here full of care,

My comfort is secured with this riskless dare.

Being more than just a person around,

A remarkable man I have found.

When at the end of the exasperated day,

The stress experienced disappears as we lay

Talking and sharing our lives together

The close proximity is not an indication of the weather,

Only evidence of an emotion shared

Where enjoyment of each other really means we are perfectly paired.

Not to mention my love for you,

is based on more than just a feeling or two.

But on the simple things,

the meaningful moments between loving beings

that indeed saturate the significance of life

to disintegrate all of the meaningless strife.

So here between the wall and you,

Only your continuous breathing and your pounding heart is your sleeping cue;

It’s all I am aware of in the blackness of the night,

Without it, my days - my nights would not be so bright.

My thoughts at first in a flutter,

Then melt away just as hot bread with butter.

All that lingers in the air so still

Is the pure trust and love that only with you I feel.

I press against your chest with my ear

To me a lovely sound of a beating heart to hear,

In the silence of the room,

The comfort of your pounding heart is easy to consume.

I’m not a writer

I’m not a good writer. I have not claimed to be. That is not the reason I decided to start this blog. There are many different reasons to have a blog. For most it is to keep family and friends updated. Others choose to have a theme, such as pets or travel or Christianity topics or counting off things on their bucket list. For this past year as Mike and I have been doing some research on traveling and living full-time on the road, we have ran across many people’s blogs of doing just that. I have also run into nursing blogs, devoted just for nursing topics. There are a variety of reasons to start and have a blog, but normally they are devoted to one subject with many topics devoted to that subject. They write about what they know.

Actually writing the blog has proved a challenge for me. When I was younger I liked to write and I even started a book I thought would be really good. I’m not sure if anything I wrote when I was younger was good or not. My mom would have said anything I wrote was good but she is biased. Mike doesn’t really like to read but he says reading the blog posts are a little too long but he likes them. He says that the way I write is like a story. That’s how I have always wanted to write. I also know I usually fill in too much detail and make it too long. It’s a challenge on the blog because the blog system is not perfect. I’m still working out the details of how to actually do it and I either have too much writing or too many pictures per post for it to all work out okay. But that’s the beauty of embarking on something you have never done before, you get to learn!

I am also not a big picture taker. Frankly, I was going to let Mike continue that venture. Since he has come back from Iraq, his picture taking motivation has dwindled and sometimes we forget to even bring the camera! I could pick this up, but Bays are notorious for messing up pictures. I hate when it takes an hour to take pictures and takes away from the experience of the moment. Personally, I would rather not take pictures, but I enjoy looking at them and remembering later. So my challenge also involves taking pictures, or at least remembering to remind Mike.

The blogs that I read from time to time are people I have never heard of and have mostly never met. I am usually a silent reader and never make comments or let them know that I am there. But I like to read and benefit from interesting posts. People are so interesting and lead so many different lives. It’s fascinating (for me) to feel like I am seeing the world through their eyes. I was inspired to do this blog mostly because Mike and I do and experience some really cool things that most people never get to see. I do not claim to be a writer or an expert in any one subject, but Mike and I are adventurous and like to explore our world. One day we would like to travel and we wanted our families to be able to see what we are doing. Maybe one day I can have silent stalkers reading my blog, just because, as I do to so many others.

Pookie - 2001 to 2010

Pookie was my parent's dog. They got her after I, being the youngest child, had left home and gone to school 2 states away. I was jealous. I called her "My Replacement" for quite awhile. She fulfilled a need and a longing that my parents had and I could no longer fill. For instance I couldn't hug my Mom, but Pookie could snuggle up to and kiss her and make her feel loved (not the same, I know). My sisters and I called her "our younger sister".  She was spoiled, but deserved it. She never saw anyone as a stranger. She would lick and love everyone. She was born without a tail, but had a little nub that wagged even more and longer than any dog I know that had a tail. She traveled to many states and stayed close to my parents wherever they went.She has and always will be my favorite dog. She was greatly loved and will be dearly missed. 2001-2010.